News from the USA last week that Al and Tipper Gore were to divorce after 40 years of marriage, seems to have found its way into the world press for a whole variety of reasons - but the most commented upon reason seems to be because of one, rather unusual, feature - there was no-one else involved (although this particular old cynic is just waiting for the eventual revelations that start "...well, actually"). But, as the reports have it, they had in their words "just grown apart"!
As the commentators wrote, if it had been the announcement that Bill and Hillary Clinton were separating it would have come as no great shock - but the Gores? In confirmation of the reports, The New York Times quoted a friend of theirs saying that they had simply grown apart! Wait a minute - simply grown apart? I mean I have a couple of old T shirts which have served me well literally over decades and sure they are actually more like simply falling apart, but would I separate me from them and throw them out? Nah! They mean a lot to me. They are a part of my life. What has happened to good old-fashioned commitment and loyalty?
Of course the words of marriage ceremonies today are being amended to suit the "modern era". Silly things like promising to love, honour and, my personal favourite, obey (which apparently and surprisingly turned out to apply to me as well, not just her as I had foolishly assumed!) are more or less out of the window. But now I guess we will eventually have to hear those final words of the ceremony "Till Death Us Do Part - Or We Simply Grow Apart!"
However, amidst the jest there was one part of the article that rather caught my eye. It was an "explanation" as to what might have happened to the Gores and it read " Mr Gore, who has travelled extensively in recent years in support of his business ventures and climate change activism, had settled into a full post-political life ... while Tipper seemed to move in a more personal direction"
Now that did get me thinking along some slightly different lines. Here I am, older than Mr. Gore although married for five years less, and what am I doing? Travelling more extensively than I did when I was with the Bank (and that was extensive enough), and enjoying (yes, enjoying) a full post-retirement life.
I don't have any hobbies worth speaking about - my folk-singing days are pretty much gone, and my active sporting days have fallen victim to various anatomical wear and tear. I never developed deep interests in other extra mural activities (mainly because I was continuously paddling hard to keep up with my brighter colleagues), I don't like shopping, movies and gossiping, but I thoroughly enjoy taking an interest in the world around me, the developments, the changes, and being a part of what is going on in life. Is that so bad? But in the light of the news from the Gore family does it put my relationship at risk, because I am not at home an awful lot?
So I had to ask!!
With the discussion considering that perhaps it was because Mr and Mrs Gore had spent so many years in each others pockets during his political career, each with a common purpose, that when they started to do their own things - which were not shared - they did actually drift apart. They had nothing in common. Nothing to talk about. And next time you go to a restaurant, look around you. Couples (often older) out for dinner together, sitting at their tables for two and saying nothing to each other 'cos it's all been said already, or because neither party is particularly interested in what the other is doing. (Yes, it's a generalisation but it happens too often to be ignored). So maybe we really do grow so far apart from one another. The first fumbles and flushes of love, followed by work and children and empty nests and .... nothing. Literally.
So is this then another case of life imitating business or vice versa? For example, while some restaurants remain open for years based on the certainty of product and service, many have to change periodically to maintain the interest of their patrons. Manufacturers have to change their product lines regularly to maintain the interest of their customers. Service providers have to provide better and different services to keep ahead of the competition - and marriages, it would seem, have to be sufficiently interesting and able to change with the surroundings to keep going!
Oh, the answer to the question that had to be asked? Well, on the basis of the 35 years so far - if I'm still going at 99 it looks like it will be another 35!!
How true, the last sentence in your penultimate paragraph is! How many couples, I wonder, apply that concept? Not many I suspect, probably less than 50%. Many couples in their 'corners', existing on mutual ground! But they are wise words, worthwhile considering as anniversaries come & go.
(Bet your RAK HHH tee shirt fell apart - mine did!?
Posted by: Robert | 15 June 2010 at 19:31